I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
