Kiss
Puke
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
