Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Randomize
