You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I think I am morally bankrupt
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
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