someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
She said her name was "party"
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
