I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
