Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
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