God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
