Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
