I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
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