she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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