I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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