When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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