Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
