Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
