Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
