he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
