is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
