I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
