that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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