Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
