Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
