This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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