dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
