No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
