Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
