When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
