And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Semen is not good for contacts.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
