A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
