No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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