You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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