he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
