Just cropdusted the office
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
