Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
