I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize