so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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