Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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