you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
areolas are like halos for boobs.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
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