I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
