and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
