Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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