And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
