my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
