I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
