i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize