I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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