My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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