i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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