Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
