fuck your aforementioned shoe
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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