do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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