Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
