nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Randomize
