We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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