party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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