if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Are we still banned from the library?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
