the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Randomize