2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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