At least make sure they are 18
Why
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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