May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
His hands were made for my vagina.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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