the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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