I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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