Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Someone signed my nipple.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
