actually, I'm a sock model
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
