Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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