So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
