I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
