Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
