were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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